I can’t decide between morbid isolation or social repulsion

I just realised today that what keeps me inside and depresses me most of the time that I am out is … everybody around me. It’s the people that I don’t like. I don’t mean my friends or all the people I know. I mean the people I see when I am outside. I go shopping and I see ugly, mean, rude people and it makes me sad. Often I get pushed around for a nicer loaf of bred or for a bigger and greener apple. I go to the movies and I see rude teenagers and girls wearing the whole cosmetics aile on their faces. I go to restaurants and I see people full of themselves. I see children in the tram asking their grandparents for an Iphone or an Ipad. This whole picture seems disturbing to me. And I know that I shouldn’t be paying attention to others, I know I should not be touched by this, but I cannot help myself. I cannot read my book when the man next to me is talking so loud to the phone or when a woman pushes me so that she can take the next available seat on the bus.
I used to be so empathic and I was happy about it. It was a quality that made me feel special, make friends very fast, and above that, and most important I was able to maintain the relationships I had with them, but now this quality hurts. Every now and then I see people pushing and yelling and I try to tell myself that they have their own problems or they are probably having a bad day or they are feeling bad or tired or hopeless, but the truth, the ugly truth is that most of them are just mean. Other times I just want to stop them for a minute and slap them awake. Tell them to stop acting out of instinct and start being more compasionate and kind.
I once counted the people smiling on my way to work. I saw only 2, and I have a long way from home to work. It’s either the city or I’m having a problem with the society I live it.

2 răspunsuri to “I can’t decide between morbid isolation or social repulsion”

  1. ma da’ poti sa scrii si in romana sa nu ma mai chinui sa inteleg ce scrii?:((

  2. Hello. I just wandered in here. It is not just you, I feel the same way when I go out.

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